Worth More Than a Buck

Ever had one of these?  Yes, that would be a Costco churro. That deep fried, cinnamon-sugary smell filled my nose today.  I bought it for my toddler who was pointing and saying, "Snack" while we were in the check-out line.  It was lunchtime, and I thought, "I have a buck in my wallet; I'll just get him a churro to eat in the car on the way  home."  Sure, no problem. . .

WRONG!  First, I've never had a Costco churro.  "What?" you say incredulously. "How is that even possible?"  You see, when you have an amazingly strong husband when it comes to sweets, and you ask, "Do you want something from there?" and he always answers "No," then you never buy one.  Because it's not worth a buck.

I had never held a Costco churro, and thus I was ill-prepared for the scent that would assault me when held it in my hand.  My insides screamed, "Eat IT!!!"  I quickly handed it to the kid, which he thrust back at me and pointed at the fountain drinks.  Uh, what?! 

There I was stuck holding this deliciousness in my hand.  I pulled off a piece and got Kid to eat a piece, but then he refused to eat more as he dropped a morsel in the parking lot that I refused to stop and pick up to feed to him.  I couldn't console him. 

As we got in the car, I shoved the temptation in his lap, which he ignored the entire ride home, all the while the aroma of the thing begged me to eat it.

I heard all the reasons in my head,

"You can't let it go to waste."
"You spent money on that thing."
"It's huge!  Don't just throw it away."
"It's only ONE churro. No big deal."
"You're so close to your goal weight, everyone thinks you're skinny enough anyway -- JUST EAT IT!"

When we got home, I again encouraged Kid to eat it, but he did not. I was forced to hold the thing again.

I admit, I sniffed it long and hard.  I even touched it briefly with my tongue -- and NO, I would NOT call that a lick -- getting two sugar crystals on your tongue does NOT a lick make!

Then I saw the words clearly flash across my brain.  STOP. CHALLENGE. CHOOSE.

"What do you want more:  Optimal health and your goal weight of 145, or a churro that costs a measly buck at Costco? If you eat it now, good luck trying to lose those last 23 pounds!"

STOP.CHALLENGE.CHOOSE.

I got out of the car, walked the long stretch of driveway to the garbage can, and gave one last long look, and dropped the churro into the can.  It looked lonely in there sitting on the bottom, but there was no way in all of this earth I was going to climb in after it and eat it.  Yes, churro, I saved you by tossing you.  Go, be your delicious-smelling self in my trash can.  The 75 pounds I've lost and the confidence I've gained are NOT worth a measly $1.08.

What I CAN Do

It has been three months since I "revived" this blog. . . hahahahahaha. . . .(breathes deeply) ahahahahahah. . . .

Okay.

Yep.  So much for revival.

Anyway, an update:  Today I have lost 75 pounds and currently weigh (as of last Monday) 170 pounds!  I'm getting so close to my goal weight.  What can I do that I couldn't before?  Well, here's a list of what I can think of right away:

Sleep without lower back pain
Hop out of bed without joint pain
Run up my stairs and not be out of breath
Cross my legs
Wear a size Medium shirt
Run without knee, ankle, or hip pain
Do burpees
Say "No" to cookies, treats, and sugary items
Say "No" to French fries
Make a quiche
Cook gluten-free breakfasts
Get up off the floor or couch without grunting
Hug my husband and have his hands go all the way around my waist
Feel my jaw and collar bones
Go down the slide at the playground
Get my kids to eat vegetables (well, except for #2 -- he's still a toddler and picky!)

Just after I posted in January, I decided to become a Health Coach.  I made my decision for several reasons.  First, I want to prove to myself and those who know me that I can overcome my greatest weaknesses (food addiction, lack of self-control) and can put them behind me; I want to reach the potential that I believe God sees in me.  Second, I want to pay it forward to my family and friends to see them get healthy and find the confidence that I have.  Thirdly, I want to prove that if I can dream it, I can be it.  If I can be it, I can share it.  If I can share it, I can make a difference.  If I can make a difference, so can you. 

I was terrified to become a Health Coach because I wasn't at my goal weight, I didn't want to sound salesy, and I wasn't sure I knew what I was doing.  However, venturing out into this new world, I found friends who love and support me because they, too, have ventured into this role.  My own health coach has reminded me of my strengths.  You know the most amazing thing, my weaknesses are strengths in their own ways, but it's how I USE them that makes them strengths or weaknesses.  My mind was blown when that truth finally dawned on me.  If you get out of your own way, you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish!

In good news, I now have 15 clients that I get to share their own health journeys!  I'm honored to walk this path with them as they get healthy and change their lives.  I hope they find what I have!

This journey has been amazing, difficult, and yet wonderful.  I still have much to work on and accomplish, but I'm finally seeing that when you do venture out, you do gain something!  

And it's NOT over yet!  Stay tuned!

Kid President's Letter To A Person On Their First Day Here

Revival Time and an Update

As I was thinking this week about my life and the direction it has taken in the last three years, I remembered that I had once created this blog about becoming me.

So, here's what happened in a nutshell.

July 2011 -- Our family of three took a road trip to Ohio and on the way back, we rode to the top of the St. Louis arch!  My husband and I decided that we wouldn't renew our adoption homestudy the upcoming March.  We felt blessed and content.

August 2011-- While in the middle of organizing the Parent Council at my son's school, we got a phone call that changed our lives concerning adoption.  I play a piano solo in church! 

September 2011 -- We adopted a beautiful baby boy.  The adoption circumstances were completely opposite of what we had anticipated or desired when we first applied to adopt 5 years earlier.  We literally walked through fire to decide if it was right.  Our second son is now 2 1/2 years old, beautiful and thriving.

October 2011 -- Our son's birthmother decides to open the adoption (thankfully), and we've been sharing that joy with her ever since.

May 2012 -- I decide to be the Parent Council President for one more year.

December 2012 -- I am asked to apply to be a member of the School Board for my son's charter school.  I decide that I am unhappy with my health and am determined to change it for good.

January 2013 -- I am voted to be on the School Board as the Parent Council representative.  I start my health journey by eating clean and cutting out refined sugars.

April 2013 -- I decided I'm finally leaving Facebook, and I do.
April 2013 -- the director of my son's school submits his resignation/retirement, and the Board starts looking to change things at the school.  I'm put to task in leading out discussions, tours of other schools, and helping to implement the change.

May 2013 -- I lose a lot of friends at my son's school as the teachers and director do not agree with the Board's vision and desire to return to our original charter.

June 2013 -- Our School Board votes to bring in another charter school company to take over our school.  Half of the student body leaves; 80% of the teachers leave.  My term as Parent Council President ends, and my friend and President-Elect takes over and begins helping implement the changes that the new school will bring.

August 2013 -- School starts, and I'm still busy with being on the school board, but I slow down my volunteering in other areas at the school, but still go in a couple times of week with my toddler in tow.

September 2013 -- We drive to Arizona to be with our friends as they are sealed as a family in the LDS Temple.

November 2013 -- After a year of yo-yo-ing up and down with my weight, I decide to make a permanent change as I find a health program designed to reach optimal health and maintain it for life.

December 2013 -- I implement the changes, and I start to see rapid weight loss.  By the end of the month, I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant with my oldest son.

January 2014 -- One year after I decided to initially make changes, I officially have lost 50 pounds!  I decide to take another big leap and become a health coach with the program to help others.  (I will write another post on this later as it has EVERYTHING to do with the title of this blog.)  I return to Facebook initially to keep updated with the healthy support groups, but realize that if I want to help more people get healthy, I have to re-expand my circle of friends.  I have decided to stay away from certain topics and groups that caused so much controversy and anguish before.  I will be using it primarily to help me reach others to get healthy.

Today -- I'm still on the School Board, but it isn't taking nearly as much time as it was.  I've decided that while I've learned a lot, I won't be pursuing this branch in my life as it takes me away from my kids even though it is FOR my kids. In good news, the enrollment at the school is officially MORE than it was at the end of the school year last year, and we anticipate that we will be almost full next year.
     I still have 45 pounds to lose to get to my goal weight, but I'm on track to reach it by May of THIS year.  I'm excited for what the future holds, and I'm more confident than ever that I'm becoming the real me and reaching a potential that I dared not discover before.  I will officially start finding clients and being proactive in helping others THIS week as a new health coach.  I'm terrified and excited at the potential.

In Between

Today is another one of those days. 

I'm ready to delete my Facebook account.

I'm ready to completely shut down my blog.

I'm ready to to quit reading blogs in general.

There are so many updates I want to know, and yet those are the same ones that I don't want to know either.  

There's too much to say and not enough to say.

There are connections I'm grateful for and connections that I could cut loose and never look back.  There are connections I want to cut loose but can't do it in only one place; I would need to cut out more than I want to do.  

It's a lot of distraction.  What am I accomplishing by checking the computer so often during the day?  

So, do I go cold turkey or linger longer. . .?

And so the term begins. . .

Today I dove head-first into my Parent Council President role.  Wow!  Can we say, ORGANIZATION?!  Yeah, that's going to be THE job for me this summer.  I met with the former president last week, and she gave me two folders worth of stuff.  I kept thinking, "That's it?"

Yeah, as I met with the operations director today, she helped me see that there's a lot I can do, and and lot that I NEED to do.  I left that meeting, went to Wal-Mart and bought a 2-inch binder and dividers, and then I came home and started filling it and making a list. 

And then I made another list.

(Now, my brain is full and running so fast that I can't keep the thoughts straight anymore. . . time to take a short break.  Thus, I blog.)

Granted, this is going to be a lot of work, but hopefully, it will help someone else who comes along next to do the job efficiently.  I personally like step-by-step instructions, especially when it comes to procedure.  For instance, what is our budget?  Heck if I know.  How does one get to the money we've earned?  How do we get reimbursed?  Let's say that these important matters are items on my list for tomorrow's meeting with the operations manager.

And then I find out that I'm basically reinventing the wheel.  Four years ago this ship was running smoothly, and then everything changed.  A man took over.  Because he wanted to.  Let's be honest, there are some men that are fabulous at these type of jobs, but mostly, not very many because this involves a lot of people (mainly women), organizing events and fundraisers, catering to children, and keeping it all together, yet separate -- organized.  This isn't to say that there are men who aren't organized, but they don't organize well for the next person, per se.   When they're done, they dump what they have on the next person and move on.  It's just how it works.  That's what happened three years ago.  The last president tried for two years to gather the pieces, and now I'm trying to pick up the gathered pieces and put the puzzle together, but I'm finding that the puzzle isn't just one, but many that make up one big one, you know? 


Anyway, I'm sure that this doesn't make much sense, but it was mainly a brain-dump for me.  I just hope I get this ship running by August. . .too bad I'll be gone for three weeks in July. . .

Bitter, Maybe?

I'm just gonna say it.


I've hid you from my Facebook newsfeed.  I've deleted your blog from my RSS feed.  I haven't checked your private blog in months.  I'm not sure I can face it any more.


You've adopted two children already, and you're ready to adopt another.  Congratulations!  Each adoption wasn't without its trials, I get that, but you've been raised on a pedestal so high (by everyone else) that I'm sure I can't recognize you as an actual human being anymore.  You've become THE VOICE for Adoptive Parents and Hopeful Adoptive Parents everywhere.  Guess what?  You bother me.  The one time I met you in person, you didn't even acknowledge me although you've commented on my FB page once or twice.  In the time my husband and I have been waiting to adopt, you've adopted two children and are now getting started on the adoption process again.  Perhaps I envy you; either way, I'm done with you for now.

I can't have any more kids.  We're the same age.  I'm lucky I have my only son, and you are going on your fifth child.  Your oldest child is the same age as mine, and your child is a prodigy.  She does everything right, has a million friends, and is perfect on your blog.  My child has a social disability, has been held back in school, and playing with friends is work.  Your blog depresses me.

You're long-winded, and you have at least 100 pictures on every blog post.  I don't think I can take it any longer.

And you, you're unscrupulous.  Are you sure you want to be posting all of that on Facebook?  I mean, weren't you upset when everyone was posting when they were pregnant and using their ultrasound pictures for their avatars?  Why, when you're now "matched" with an expectant mom, do you post her ultrasound picture as your avatar and give us a play-by-play about her.  I was happy the first time around; now, I'm just sick to my stomach.

Your blog wasn't bad, I was just done reading it.  Thank you for the insights you've given me, and I will always be grateful I found your blog when I did.  I think it's done for me all it can do.  I highly respect you.  Again, thank you.

Ummm, I haven't read any of your posts in months. . . DELETED!

You are funny.  I like your blog, but I don't enjoy it the way I used to.

I'm gonna admit that I feel much lighter, freer, in many ways.  I don't think I will miss the posts or updates.  I'll be okay, besides I still know how to find you, but now you won't be blaring in my face.