Bitter, Maybe?

I'm just gonna say it.


I've hid you from my Facebook newsfeed.  I've deleted your blog from my RSS feed.  I haven't checked your private blog in months.  I'm not sure I can face it any more.


You've adopted two children already, and you're ready to adopt another.  Congratulations!  Each adoption wasn't without its trials, I get that, but you've been raised on a pedestal so high (by everyone else) that I'm sure I can't recognize you as an actual human being anymore.  You've become THE VOICE for Adoptive Parents and Hopeful Adoptive Parents everywhere.  Guess what?  You bother me.  The one time I met you in person, you didn't even acknowledge me although you've commented on my FB page once or twice.  In the time my husband and I have been waiting to adopt, you've adopted two children and are now getting started on the adoption process again.  Perhaps I envy you; either way, I'm done with you for now.

I can't have any more kids.  We're the same age.  I'm lucky I have my only son, and you are going on your fifth child.  Your oldest child is the same age as mine, and your child is a prodigy.  She does everything right, has a million friends, and is perfect on your blog.  My child has a social disability, has been held back in school, and playing with friends is work.  Your blog depresses me.

You're long-winded, and you have at least 100 pictures on every blog post.  I don't think I can take it any longer.

And you, you're unscrupulous.  Are you sure you want to be posting all of that on Facebook?  I mean, weren't you upset when everyone was posting when they were pregnant and using their ultrasound pictures for their avatars?  Why, when you're now "matched" with an expectant mom, do you post her ultrasound picture as your avatar and give us a play-by-play about her.  I was happy the first time around; now, I'm just sick to my stomach.

Your blog wasn't bad, I was just done reading it.  Thank you for the insights you've given me, and I will always be grateful I found your blog when I did.  I think it's done for me all it can do.  I highly respect you.  Again, thank you.

Ummm, I haven't read any of your posts in months. . . DELETED!

You are funny.  I like your blog, but I don't enjoy it the way I used to.

I'm gonna admit that I feel much lighter, freer, in many ways.  I don't think I will miss the posts or updates.  I'll be okay, besides I still know how to find you, but now you won't be blaring in my face.

Bucket List

 I have done some venturing lately, but I don't care to talk about it on this blog because it has to do with adoption.  To be honest, I think I want to be done with adoption talk on this blog for now.  I've talked about it plenty on another blog. Maybe one day I'll come back to it, but honestly, I've been caught up in adoption for so long that I'm done with the mean people out there, and I know where I stand, and my friends know where I stand; and personally, some random stranger doesn't need to care about my position.   Okay, rant/explanation over.

Now, the real reason for this post.  I've decided that I need motivation to venture out.  I need goals.  I need goals that lead me to really learn how to LIVE life.  So, I think I need a bucket list.  I used to think that they were dumb, that a bucket list was just one long disappointment list.  However, if there's one thing I'm learning, it's that if I want to do something adventurous, I need to write it down - admit that I want to do it.  So, on the side of my blog, I'm going to start a running bucket list.  As I get ideas and think about things I would love to do one day, I'll add them on my list.  I hope to make these goals attainable, and I really hope that as I cross them off, I will take pictures and make blog posts out of them.  I want these goals to be things that I can do without them being something for which I have to depend upon somebody (i.e., adoption and winning the lottery will not be on that bucket list).

So, here's to gaining focus!

Oh, and I'm curious, what's on your bucket list?

Anonymous

I did something I never thought I would yesterday.  I posted anonymously on a blog.  Okay, yes, you're thinking "Uh, why is that weird, you're already writing this blog under a pseudonym?" Well, I vowed early on that I would always post under a name because I can't stand the anonymous label.  I find in the blogging world it's the free ticket to cruelty and carte blanche on insults.  I've seen so many people hurt and so many people become ugly because of the anonymous label.

So, why did I post anonymously?  I posted a comment on an adoption blog, more specifically, a blog written by an adoptee who seems to be anti-adoption in most cases.  Her readers have called me "delusional" based on a comment I made on a post written by a birth mother.  You see, I believe that God can be in adoption - that many times His hand is in adoption.  Many people affected by adoption call that an excuse, a delusion.  I've been reading this blog a lot more lately, although I swore I wouldn't because of the negative spin on adoption and the side-swiping attacks I've seen on hopeful adoptive parents and young birth mothers who've placed, especially birth mothers who share my religious beliefs.  One of the most recent posts was about a very offensive comment written by an anonymous commenter on a birth mother's blog about grief.  I have strong opinions about this, and I was very touched by the blog author's post, and since I didn't need all kinds of negative feedback on my family blog for being a hopeful adoptive parent, I wrote the comment anonymously.  It wasn't until this morning that I realized that I could have written under this same pseudonym. 

Anyway, the blog author wrote back in the comments that she'd like me to be a guest blogger on her blog, and honestly, that terrifies me.  I am a hopeful adoptive parent, and my opinion that adoption can be very positive is not going to change.  I have very opposing views to this author in regards to many aspects, and yet there are many of my views and opinions that have changed dramatically in part because of her blog and many like hers. 

Right now I know I owe her a reply to her offer, and she directed me to her personal email.  I will write her back eventually. I have to get my bearings.  This is yet another venture that I'm not sure how it will turn out, and believe me when I say that I will be praying over how to proceed from here on out because the last thing I need is for this to blow up in my face.  And the question?  What will be gained from this venture?  Will it be negative or positive?  I'm not sure I can handle putting my heart out there and getting egg on my face because I chose to accept her offer.  And yet, could I let the aching adoption world see that there are hopeful adoptive parents who are good, kind, and really do try to understand all the loss and that we don't all take adoption and everything involved for granted?   Deep breath.

"Nothing Ventured, nothing gained."