Saturday, January 15, 2011


I did something I never thought I would yesterday.  I posted anonymously on a blog.  Okay, yes, you're thinking "Uh, why is that weird, you're already writing this blog under a pseudonym?" Well, I vowed early on that I would always post under a name because I can't stand the anonymous label.  I find in the blogging world it's the free ticket to cruelty and carte blanche on insults.  I've seen so many people hurt and so many people become ugly because of the anonymous label.

So, why did I post anonymously?  I posted a comment on an adoption blog, more specifically, a blog written by an adoptee who seems to be anti-adoption in most cases.  Her readers have called me "delusional" based on a comment I made on a post written by a birth mother.  You see, I believe that God can be in adoption - that many times His hand is in adoption.  Many people affected by adoption call that an excuse, a delusion.  I've been reading this blog a lot more lately, although I swore I wouldn't because of the negative spin on adoption and the side-swiping attacks I've seen on hopeful adoptive parents and young birth mothers who've placed, especially birth mothers who share my religious beliefs.  One of the most recent posts was about a very offensive comment written by an anonymous commenter on a birth mother's blog about grief.  I have strong opinions about this, and I was very touched by the blog author's post, and since I didn't need all kinds of negative feedback on my family blog for being a hopeful adoptive parent, I wrote the comment anonymously.  It wasn't until this morning that I realized that I could have written under this same pseudonym. 

Anyway, the blog author wrote back in the comments that she'd like me to be a guest blogger on her blog, and honestly, that terrifies me.  I am a hopeful adoptive parent, and my opinion that adoption can be very positive is not going to change.  I have very opposing views to this author in regards to many aspects, and yet there are many of my views and opinions that have changed dramatically in part because of her blog and many like hers. 

Right now I know I owe her a reply to her offer, and she directed me to her personal email.  I will write her back eventually. I have to get my bearings.  This is yet another venture that I'm not sure how it will turn out, and believe me when I say that I will be praying over how to proceed from here on out because the last thing I need is for this to blow up in my face.  And the question?  What will be gained from this venture?  Will it be negative or positive?  I'm not sure I can handle putting my heart out there and getting egg on my face because I chose to accept her offer.  And yet, could I let the aching adoption world see that there are hopeful adoptive parents who are good, kind, and really do try to understand all the loss and that we don't all take adoption and everything involved for granted?   Deep breath.

"Nothing Ventured, nothing gained."


  1. So Susie Q. I think you SHOULD do it. The blogs that have enlightened your mind and taught you should be shared with many more hopeful adoptive couples, adoptees, first mothers, etc. You know very well now incredibly naiive I was until I started reading MM's blog, a few specific HAP blogs, OWV's blog....and got to know a few good ladies. They taught both me and hubby the importance of open adoption, respecting birthmothers, being completely honest in adoption communication, realizing the pain and grief that happen with adoption and miscommunications, and being open to changes later in the post-adoption journey. Plus much, much more. Things that all HAP SHOULD know. Educating ourselves about adoption is SOOO good. Showing class, grace, and humanity in adoption is also important and unfortunately, sometimes that isn't taught or learned unless someone is specifically seeking knowledge.
    And remember, no matter how it turns out, I'll still think the world of you!

  2. Couldn't have said it better myself S!!! Ditto everything she said, GO FOR IT! and I too will still think the world of you! ohhh and a lil egg never killed anyone ;) I'll send you wipes lol! No one is ever going to agree with everything we have to say and that's ok, if someone chooses to be mean about it, so be it. You believe in what you say and that's all that matters, never let mean people make you think any less of yourself!!
    You hear me woman, you ROCK!!